A Thinking Reed

"Man is but a reed, the most feeble thing in nature, but he is a thinking reed" – Blaise Pascal

Drink like a grown up!

I realize this has been going on for some time, but I just want to go on record in opposition to all forms of the flavored martini. I was at a restaurant this weekend that offered a chocolate chip martini for the love of Pete! Hey do you want a bowl of Cap’n Crunch with that kiddo?

What people don’t realize is that an America enervated and infantilized by the consumption of “apple-tinis” and “choco-tinis” will be easy pickings for Islamo-fascists and godless liberals! Need I point out that we didn’t win the Cold War by drinking stuff that tastes like Kool-Aid?

Case in point:

Now, some may contend that the traditional martini is too harsh for them. Well, I say that’s what a gin and tonic is for. Also, as is traditional, the ladies have more leeway here. Though, again, the chocolate chip martini doesn’t exactly scream “mature, classy lady.” I’m just sayin’.

11 responses to “Drink like a grown up!”

  1. Sister Mary Hasta

    To quote President J. Bartelett: “You never shake a martini, because it chips the ice. James Bond was ordering a watered down martini, and being pretentious about it.”

    Anyway, as a woman who typically orders a double whiskey (neat), you don’t want to know the fresh hell I get from bartenders. Everything from going through Twenty Questions (You want ice? You want something to mix with it? You sure you don’t want a Sex on the Beach?) to having one guy holler in a quiet bar, “We’ve got a *real* woman here.” He didn’t get a tip.

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  2. d.klein

    As a rule, if Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra wouldn’t drink it, I wont drink it.

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  3. Anonymous

    For my money, you can’t beat straight bourbon. Nothing mixed with it, no little *mixing straws* or umbrellas, just the bourbon, thank you. Let Osama choke on some Basil Hayden! Rah!

    Thomas

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  4. Lee

    Sister, you’re a lady after my own heart.

    d.klein, welcome back! How was the UK?

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  5. Chris T.

    I’m with Sister and the President…er, Martin Sheen — Bond’s shaken vodka martinis aren’t the real thing. But certainly much, much better than cran-mango-appletinis. They might as well start putting whipped cream on top of them.

    For me, Woodford Reserve and a little water. I’m too simple even to drink scotch, just good bourbon. 🙂

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  6. Gaius

    Flavored teas, flavored coffee, flavored vodka.

    It’s just girls, man.

    What did you expect from people who put bows on kittens to make them cute?

    People who dye their hair?

    People who paint their eyes and lips and wear makeup?

    People who put rings through their noses as well as their ears?

    People who put gnomes in flower gardens, for cryin’ out loud?

    People who cannot let well enough alone?

    Kitch, thy name is “woman.”

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  7. d.klein

    The U.K. was great. To connect the trip with this topic, we toured some excellent whisky distilleries, and have a new appreciation for Scotch. When you guys come to NYC we can have a tasting.

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  8. Derek the Ænglican

    Gaius,

    re:
    People who dye their hair?

    People who paint their eyes and lips and wear makeup?

    People who put rings through their noses as well as their ears?

    You’d get your ass kicked in a goth club, dude…

    Straight bourbon’s the true path.

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  9. Thunder Jones

    Might I add that the aforementioned British agent also is responsible for an entire generation using vodka instead of gin in their martinis… which is a crime against humanity even for someone with a license to kill.

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  10. Dan Morehead

    Well said.

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  11. Joshie

    People, including Lee’s life-partner, have critized me for drinking neat chilled vodka. To them I say pbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbt.

    And gaius, insightful as always. Your game is something to behold.

    Reply

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