A Thinking Reed

Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty commie ape!

Written by

Lee M.

in

THE Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia’s top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: “I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat.”…(read more)

Guess that “new communist man” wasn’t working out so hot.

Comments

3 responses to “Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty commie ape!”

  1. Eric Lee

    I work with a couple of guys that are in a band (among others) called Damn Dirty Apes. Hee.

    Reply
  2. Gaius

    See? Lenin was right. He was a nutbag as early as that.

    Reply
  3. jack perry

    Nutbag? Stalin merely anticipated Western medicine by less a century. I heard the other day that someone had grown human brain cells in a mouse (or something to that effect), and the glow-in-the-dark bunny is old news.

    Reply

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